May 2012
125 posts
Taking a break today
Having a day off
After the crazy week I’ve had
Ready so ready to to feel a peace of mind move past this
I’ve been spending me time dwelling on where I was what I wanted
It doesn’t matter I need to let it goo
I’m ready to do this but having a hard time doing it
April 2012
54 posts
Starting to get sick again…
Felt that feeling I used to get
When I was in the shower this morning
I’m praying to God to give me the strength to get past this…
But this is kinda bad
Breath just focus on keeping breakfast down
“Slowly forgotten but never lost”
If only if only
What if I just threw my hands up in the air gave up on this 2 year endeavour I’m working on and just gave in to you. Would you give in to me to. If I stood in your doorway and said this is what I want would you try would you fight how would you feel. If I graduated and came back would you still be there…. if I came to visit would you let your gaurd down with me and just be be in the...
Eh I miss home so bad right now I want to be physically sick… eh why is this stupid textbook making me relive everything I try so fucking hard to forget
Don’t get sick please don’t get sick not this again o thought I already worked past this ….. No one to call… No one cares…. sigh breath breath your alone relax No ones home it’s okay to cry…
Doing homework till forever see you in a few years blah love getting invites to parties up north I miss my friends so much
Starting to pick my old dieting way
Hoping 109 hits soon
It’s pretty cool when I go to work and wait an hour for everyone else to arrive because I don’t have a key blah….
I wanna be a girl who doesn’t need a man to feel complete in her life :)
I wanna be the girl you always wanted and the only one you’ll ever want
Haha kinda opposites huh :P
Muffin and coffee
I kinda like my mornings
Eating my breakfast alone
It’s just peaceful
Watching the sunrise
“You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”
– The help
Wow
Last night I went to your house
I came in
You were there waiting like you knew I was going to be there
We didn’t even say two words to each other
You walked over to me
I stopped breathing
You picked me up and laid me on the floor
It was like nothing had ever happened
…..
Then I woke up……
Shit
Drinks
Drink a sip
Completely blind
Drink some more
Fight with someone
No reasoning with me
I leave the bar
I can’t even see the lines
Call a friend
So I stay alive
Made it home
Rest in bed
Call a friend
Rest my head
Eye doctors
Yellow submarine sunglasses hmmm…
Having my eyes dilated
Heels every day of the week ;)
Haha pickles always makes the day better
Peaceful places
Suzanne’s house watching old movies and eating my favorite cookies
Screaming screaming don’t don’t sink down to his level …
Breath
Breakfast and coffee on the porch
After everyone is gone
Breath.
he doesn’t stop….
Positive place
Sitting on the beach letting the sun touch my skin :)
Sleeping under my new white comforter
I have...
So sick of all the fighting so sick of all the yelling …… peaceful please think peaceful place..
:(
Got all dressed up now there’s no where to go …. guess I’m going home
Possibly going skydiving next month I love groupon
I’m thinking that it might be time to say goodbye to you. I’ve tried really hard to do it your way and it’s just not working out I’m not saying this is forever just right now I think this is what I need to do and I’m sorry. I love you….
Outta place
Feeling a little outta place today kinda wishing you were here.
It’s good to know your happy and doing well
but there is apart of me idk how big that wishes you still cared.
I wonder what would have or could have been
I know I shouldn’t do that but
honestly I know the current situation and I know that it doesn’t matter what if because this is what it is and nothing in the current moment is...
Voices
In side my head there are voices
Voices that won’t stop screaming
They contemplate things that were Things that could have been
Things that are And things they want
It never stops
All day they bicker
no battle is ever won
No one voice ever achieves the upper hand
It’s just there’s a longing in my heart
A longing in my body that won’t go away It craves to have you near
The voices were at...
God is testing me sigh Im way stronger than this just wish… wishing is stupid it won’t change anything things are what they are for a reason right now not sure what it is but that’s the way it is sure things can change but it takes more than one person to make something happen and I really need to start focusing on things that are in my control instead of the things that are out of my control…...
Time to write something so here it is
Everyday
I feel you beside me
Resting my head on your chest
Thinking about past times and ex lovers
Life continued and we stayed friends
You changed alot from the last time I saw You.
It didn’t matter though
You still expelled happiness everywhere You went
You took me out of the ditch I had dug myself
And kept my mind busy
Gave me someone to care for
And I honestly did care for you...
Writing this somewhere helps keep it off my mind…
So fucking annoyed sigh….. can you please get this over with so I can spill me heart out…..
Take the pills
Let them take over
Rest your head easy
Another restless night
Sleepless sometimes
Doubling the dose
The nightmares slowly fade
Off in the distance
Rest your head easy tonight
Nightmares blocked or
Rather inhibited
My thoughts are fading
Finally there’s silence
The shades are closing
I’m surrounded by darkness
There’s no fear no monsters
This one...
Shower, give dog a bath, eat something, read textbooks….. go!
This body
This body
Stale and fragile
Skin is easily broken
Bones splinter under pressure
Age catching up
Sight loses clearity
Black hazy Void
Sounds now silenced
Past priorities
Nothing but a memory
Which will be forgotten
Once familiar faces become strangers
Hope is lost
Nothing left
Just a wait for death
to show up at the door
I didn’t want to part ways like this
Thought it could be more cordial if it every happened
After all the things you first told me I never thought this would happen
Maybe this is what needs to happen
I wish I could save every bs thing you ever said to me so when you finally come to apologize I can give you all the reasons im not going to
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
Part of me believing it was always something that I’d done
But I don’t wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
Honestly screaming and no one can hear……. thinking I need to take something stronger to get through this night
One. Day. At. A. Time.
In complete shock about to have a mental break down
My head is unable to focus
I get dizy
I breath deeply
Gasping for air
Feels like suffocation
…
My hands start losing control
I grab hold
Digging nails deep
I can’t control
Biting my lip
You kiss me softly
On my neck
I just lose it
Not sure it’s worth it… I want to but… never knowing what kind of a response I’ll get can make it not worth it
Just take one pill and let sleep take over nights are the worst…
Really annoyed….. I guess that comes with the territory
Time to rest your head easy and let the sleep take over. There’s a little satisfaction but slight disappointment but it’s a step a small step in the right direction. And for that I can truly rest easy tonight it may take a while but patience and perseverance have proved on my side this night so I will put my faith once more in people once more the weight of the world does not need to...
I’m in total shock…
I said happy Easter to everyone I wanted to except you… and that idea that I don’t feel comfortable knowing if it’s okay to talk to you makes me sick. I wonder how long this will go on for who will cave first if there’s even a part of you that feels uncomfortable about this too I’m not sure and honestly idk if I’ll ever find out….